I never would have dreamed....

Three months ago I wanted my tubes tied, cut, and burnt. I'm not a kiddy type of person, never have been. Children typically like me, and I love a select few which includes my own offspring. But I'm not an over the top I need a baby type of person. In fact I would have never dreamed that I would have a child. But I was the recipient of an unexpected blessing. I have an amazing 3 girl little girl. She is perfect in every way, I worship the ground she walks on.

So the past couple of months I have been kicking around the idea of possibly one day having another baby. Boo's father wasn't there for the pregnancy or for her life and I have this deal about doing things the right way at least once. So a couple of weeks ago I go to the doctor for an issue I have had literally all of my life. The answer: medicine that I CANNOT get pregnant while taking, the real kicker there aren't any alternatives.

I'm okay not having more children when it's my decision. But this isn't my decision. I feel like my future, at least my uterus' future, has been chosen for me and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I feel like a jerk for feeling this way because there are many people who can't even have one. But mainly I kinda just want to be sad and cry about it and that feels wrong too.