Mackland Diaries

Busy Busy

2011-04-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy and not busy all at the same time. Mainly I am overwhelmed I think. To catch everyone up, I start Culinary school May 12! Hooray!! I am so excited and scared at the same time. This is my dream and now that is real to me I am experiencing some self doubt. What if I am not good enough? What if I end up hating it? Now I know that I am being silly. I have a natural talent when it comes to baking and cooking, I just need to be refined. Well I'm sure I will be okay when school actually starts.

My sweet little Boo has morphed into a hateful teenager at 3. Yes, it is true! My little darling baby that I rocked, who cooed and smiled at me is now sassy. The other day she did something she wasn't supposed to do so I sent her in the house to time out. When she was walking away from me she started saying how she didn't love me anymore. I told her that I love her very much and that is why she is in trouble. She then started crying that I wasn't fair. Seriously?! I didn't think that I would have to deal with this attitude for a few years! I'm not ready for it.

Last week due to a series of events I ended up staying at the love's house for 3 days. We had some bad days during that time and I can't believe how we managed to laugh it all off and work it out. We had so much fun, doing absolutely nothing other then just being with each other and the kiddos. Since leaving my love's I have missed him more then I thought was possible. I find it amazing how my love for him keeping growing.

Cabin Fever

2011-02-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

It's been a snow day, yesterday was a snow day, and tomorrow will be a snow day. Then snow is predicted tomorrow night. Snow is really nice and pretty in theory, but I live in North Texas. It is not supposed to snow in North Texas. The Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex is a huge sheet of ice. I see a really big problem with this; no one here knows how to drive in this crap!!!! We live in Texas for a reason and guess what??? It's not because of white winters!

So this means I have been stuck inside, which really isn't an issue considering I am a stay at home mom. I don't leave my house for days on end but it's the thought that I can't leave my house. I feel trapped and I hate feeling trapped. Ugh go away snow!

I never would have dreamed....

2011-01-30T22:22:00.000-08:00

Three months ago I wanted my tubes tied, cut, and burnt. I'm not a kiddy type of person, never have been. Children typically like me, and I love a select few which includes my own offspring. But I'm not an over the top I need a baby type of person. In fact I would have never dreamed that I would have a child. But I was the recipient of an unexpected blessing. I have an amazing 3 girl little girl. She is perfect in every way, I worship the ground she walks on.

So the past couple of months I have been kicking around the idea of possibly one day having another baby. Boo's father wasn't there for the pregnancy or for her life and I have this deal about doing things the right way at least once. So a couple of weeks ago I go to the doctor for an issue I have had literally all of my life. The answer: medicine that I CANNOT get pregnant while taking, the real kicker there aren't any alternatives.

I'm okay not having more children when it's my decision. But this isn't my decision. I feel like my future, at least my uterus' future, has been chosen for me and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I feel like a jerk for feeling this way because there are many people who can't even have one. But mainly I kinda just want to be sad and cry about it and that feels wrong too.

Spanking

2011-01-29T12:00:00.000-08:00

Before I start this post, yes Bobbi I remember what you told me, but oh my gosh it drives me nuts!!

I spank my child, and I have a paddle that I use. Now if you need to take a minute to process that.....okay that's long enough. My mom spanked me as a child, and every spanking I received I deserved. I am not depressed, suicidal, abusive to my child, a criminal, a sadist, nor do I walk around smacking people upside the head (although I want to quite frequently). I do not spank my child daily or even monthly. I never spank in anger and my daughter does not walk around fearful of me hitting her.

There is a proper way to spank children and some children need to be spanked. Spanking does not work on all children and that's cool too. I think that our society is worse off since so many parents don't spank their children. If you look back to the times where it was "normal and healthy" to spank there was less violence. There was also fewer problem kids. It drives me nuts when I see parents bash other parents for doing something different then themselves. Just because I spank does not mean I abuse my child. It means I am intelligent enough utilize a wonderful and effective tool that my child responds to. And since I use this tool it means that my child OBEYS me.

That is my stance on the subject, bash away if you like. Either way I am going to continue doing what works for my family.

Lots of Love!

It's Been Awhile...

2011-01-28T22:04:00.000-08:00

So once again I have taken an extended leave of absence from blogging. I have been focusing on many other things while I was gone. A lot of personal growth and family things that needed to be done for Boo and myself.

So to catch you all up in the ever exciting Mackland... I have been pursuing my passion of cake decorating and have decided to make a career of it. I am planning on attending culinary school this May. I have meant two very special someones and hope to make them a part of my family one day. Boo is still Boo, mean as all get out but yet adorable and is capable of melting my heart with one glance and sweet smile. I have made some new friends and lost some others along my journey. But that is the way life goes.

At the end of the day, I am still me. Love me, hate me, I don't care; I am happy with myself and that's all that matters.

Lots of love to you all!

My Religion

2010-08-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

As most of the people close to me know, I am becoming quite involved in church. I love it, I would go everyday if I could. Bella goes to nursery and she loves it there. She is always asking to go to church and she gets really excited when she "finds" the church. The other day as we were leaving she informed me that she, "...loves Jesus very very much." When those words came out of her precious mouth it made my heart jump. I want her to feel that fire, I want her to be raised in that environment.

I am trying really hard to be a good faithful Christian. I know I slip, and fall and I know that I won't be perfect, and I'm okay with that. Yesterday I listened to an awesome service. The pastor did an amazing job on really explaining some basics. He said that people who were really Christians had a grateful heart and wanted to do good works to glorify God, not to boast about their good works. He also said one great statement, that perfect church people won't help people who need help, but grateful people will. He then gave an example of a meth addict or alcoholic. Those of you close to me, know who my alcoholic is. And I was faced with a tough situation regarding him about a week ago. I knew the situation was a sign from God, a test, a lesson, but I didn't understand it. I prayed for God to give me a plain as day answer, and God does answer prayers. He gave me an answer yesterday.

So yesterday after leaving church I called my alcoholic and his situation has changed, he is in the position to go back to his old self. And I'm faced with a dilemma, do I do the works of a good church person or do I run away? To all of my Christian readers, keep me in your prayers, I need it.

Our Children

2010-06-30T00:03:00.000-07:00

Just before I decided to write this post I received an e-mail from babycenter.com titled "Is your child gifted?" Now I did sign up for babycenter.com and a few other sites when I found out that I was pregnant to learn as much information as possible about babies, and trust me I'm not knocking these sites. I have found a lot of good information on them.

However, I am knocking us as a society of parents. Do we really need someone else to tell us if our children are gifted? What happened to our kids just being special the way they are? Do I think Bella is gifted? Absolutely, I bet you feel the same about your kids. Am I going to be crushed when Bella starts school if she ends up being "average"? Nope, because I biased. Babycenter.com knows my kid is 2 years old, an "Is your child gifted?" e-mail really doesn't benefit me in any way.

So I propose that all of us parents stop treating our children like they COULD be gifted and act like they ARE gifted and I bet we might end up with more ACTUAL gifted children, just a thought.

KISSES
Kenzi

Ahhh.....My Life

2010-06-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like it's vacation time? I'm ready for a 72 hours in a padded room, wearing a white jacket hugging myself, medicated induced sleep vacation. After all of the events that have happened in about the past 7 months, I'm worn out. But no time for that I must continue on.

I am happy to report that I am getting involved with church, well actually two churches. I have went from bar hopping to church hopping. Totally getting in on God's good side, I am so making it into heaven LOL! But I am very happy to report that Saturday, July 10, 2010 I will not be able to hang on on Twitter or Facebook all morning, nope. I will be at an organization called Shoes for Orphan Souls. I will be busy boxing up shoes to be shipped to orphans all around the world.

I am very happy that I am stepping outside of my box and becoming involved. After I first had Bella I sorta became lost in her a little. I had a grasp on myself because I worked so I had adult interaction, which was nice. After I quit my job last year my life has become completely consumed with Bella, toddlers, friends, and boyfriend. I have been going to church for quite awhile now and since I've really started leading a Christian life God has taken the vast majority of my friends and my boyfriend. I have one friend left, I feel like I am becoming less of McKenzie and more of just Bella's mom. So I have decided that I am going to recapture myself and become involved in the world around me, and here is the best part....YOU ARE ALL COMING WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!! BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA Sorry, had too LOL!

I hope you enjoy hearing about my adventures of becoming a person again and I know I said it last time but it won't be so long before you hear from me again.

KISSES
Kenzi

Clarification

2010-04-13T15:15:00.000-07:00

On yesterday's post regarding the analogy of mine and Derek's relationship to that of Bella and Jacob's relationship post Renesmee, Derek so kindly pointed out that people would assume he has or will "imprint" on my Bella. This is not the case. Think of the friendship that Jacob and Bella have sans Renesmee. Thanks again D-ROCK!

GRRR...I have never wanted to hurt my kid...until today.

2010-04-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

So I have a loft bed, for those who don't know a loft bed is the top bunk of a bunk bed with nothing underneath. So for naptime, Bella is laying up there. Instead of going to sleep like she should she decides to rip the shelf that I have up there off of the wall. I have never been so mad at her! Finally after a spanking and some crying she has decided to go to sleep...on the sofa.

OK, OK I know I've been horrible

2010-04-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I have been naughty, just send me to time out and I am sorry for not blogging for about 4 months. But I am back, promise! A lot has happened over the past 4 months. I lost the really wonderful guy that I was planning on marrying, turns out he was a complete scum bag that was already married. I lost one best friend, reconnected with another after 6 years! I LOVE YOU D! Joined eHarmony, I'll post updates on that. Mastered making garlic mashed potatoes, you're welcome D. Been molding the next generation and I have gotten back into church. Rededicated my life to the Lord and I'm really trying (struggling) to be a positive person.
I had a revelation the night while I was sitting in church. I am a horrible, cynical, bitter person and I need to let go. So I am letting go, I already feel better. God is great!
About 6 years ago I lost my best friend, D, because he started dating a chick who didn't grasp the concept that he and I are strictly friends. D and I meant when we were in the 6th grade at a dance. We became fast friends and over the course of about a year we were best friends. D then moved away our freshman year but our friendship continued the same. Then our senior year decided to listen to his little head and start dating this hot chick who was and still is CRAZY!!! We stopped talking and about a year ago we sorta got back in touch on Facebook. This February the crazy hot chick decided to sleep with another guy while she and D were still in a committed relationship, needless to say D was hurt and confused, to be honest he was an absolute wreck. He called me up and I invited to come stay with me which he did. D and I are back into our old habits. It's weird, you know how they say twins can feel each other? I feel D, I love him. He and I will always be best friends. For my Twilight readers our bond is like that of Bella and Jacob's after Renesmee is born. I love my bestie!

2009-12-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here peacefully on the sofa writing this blog while hell breaks loose all around me. Today I have three 2 year olds who I think are having a contest to see which they can make happen first, destroy my house or destroy my sanity.

It's a close race.

I should be working on homework right now but Thomas the Train is so loud I can barely hear myself think. And it has to be loud to drown out their screams and shrieks. I have been sitting here trying to plan a menu for the little mental terrorists for today and tomorrow, and the only thing I can think of is chicken nuggets and tater tots.

I am very surprised that my Christmas tree has survived this far. Most other things in here have not. I'm looking so forward to cleaning up this mess, that should be great fun. I have realized that my child is either extremely advanced for her age or these other kids are extremely dumb!

Oh well, Dylan is trying to push Cambria in the stove, I should go stop that.......

The Princess and the Frog

2009-12-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

Well today I had a moment of insanity and took two 2 year old girls to see Disney's The Princess and the Frog movie. (The movie theater experience was a first for both children.) First off, the girls did a great, and they enjoyed the movie. I did have enough sense to go to the first showing and since there were only a few people were there we were able to get good seats by the door (for a quick escape) and they had room to dance to the music.

I was actually impressed with the movie, it had a great story line and I think Disney did a really good job with making it toddler/preschooler appropriate, more so then when I was a kid. I know there has been a lot of talk over the movie considering this is the first African American Princess for Disney. I highly recommend this movie and I will be purchasing it when it comes out on DVD since Bella is already driving me crazy about it.

I've been a bad blogger.....

2009-12-14T09:52:00.001-08:00

I have been, I know this, but that damn Twilight saga was too intriguing to put down. So I didn't, and now I'm somewhat sad because it's over. I swore to myself that I would not become wrapped up in the whole Twilight thing, but I am, and it's soo sad!

I did take a Twilight break to go help Bobbi put the finishing touches on her new crib, (yes I did just "say" crib...trying out the gangsta Kenzi...whadaya think??? Ya, I'm not feelin' it either.) And we had a lot of fun going through her stuff, it definitely worked to my advantage since I left her house with a huge trash sack full of clothes. Ahh, narrowly escaped shopping for myself yet again. Somewhere between pregnancy and the terrible two's I have lost all desire to buy clothes for myself. I feel as if I'm caught between a teenager and an adult style wise. I'm not ready to trade in low rise jeans for mom jeans, but the low rise are so uncomfortable anymore. And then I have the problem of being the assless wonder. It's hard to find ANY jeans that make my butt look good! Oh well, I'm a stay at home mom who needs real pants?? I can get away with wearing nothing but pajamas right?!?!

Another reason I haven't been blogging is because I've been somewhat in a rut. To be completely honest I have not wanted to do anything for about a month now. My house keeping is suffering, Bella is driving me crazy, and I have no desire to do anything. But I am happy to report I am pulling myself up by the boot straps (Ugg boot straps, found some at Marshall's for $30!!) I have identified my problem and I am now working on rectifying my laziness.

Bobbi has also turned me on to babywearing my toddler, and I regret not investing more time into finding slings when Bella was an infant. But she likes it now and so do it. Next time around I know better. Speaking of children, I am honestly curious why so many mothers have adversions to spanking? When spanking is done properly it's a useful tool, and there IS a difference between spanking and beating a child. I think if more people spanked their kids we would not have as many problems with society. People do not teach their children to behave and respect authority and that in turn produces adults who don't behave and respect authority. So parents, spank your kids!

Thursday's Thoughts

2009-12-03T08:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my dear friend, Bobbi, and I went to lunch, shopping, and dinner with our beautiful children. I had a lot of fun and it appeared that Bobbi did too! Up until yesterday I have somewhat been stuck in a rut, but I am happy to say that getting out of the house and spending time with a good girlfriend has motivated me to make it until my vacation (22 days left)! And I must mention that our kids are adorable. I looked in the backseat and they were holding hands at 2 years old and 10 months! It was so sweet, they would randomly grasp hands throughout the day. They also kissed each other goodbye, hehe!

We did go to Ikea and let me just say I really love that store! It is so freaking cool! I did pick up a few things that I needed, such as my shelf. Ya let me tell you the story on that! A couple of weeks ago I bought a loft bed and had my wonderful love muffin put it up for me. Well when I bought the bed I never thought, "Hey when you are 6 feet in the air you are not going to be able to use your night table." So I have not had a spot for an alarm clock or any type of lighting device, and let me say it's not good for a clumsy person to attempt to go up and down a small bunk bed latter in the dark.

I need a ramp to get out of my rut!

2009-11-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

Usually I am very productive, I tend to accomplish all my tasks in my day and I try to stay ahead of schedule. However, this past week I have been procrastinating like crazy! I honestly do not have any desire this week to do my college work, I have no desire to clean my home, or do the laundry, or even leave my house for that matter! I don't know if it's because it's starting to get cold and I want to be lazy or if it's because I haven't been sleeping well. Maybe because Bella is becoming increasingly difficult the further we get into the terrible 2's. But, I do know it sucks and I need to snap out of it soon. Lately I feel as if I am treading the water, doing the bare minimum and I HATE feeling like that! At any rate I have to do dishes tonight so I am going to go now.

I'm Back!

2009-11-29T17:51:00.000-08:00

Well sorry for that extended break, between my lovely daughter not sleeping, Thanksgiving, wrapping the Christmas presents and decorating; blogging was picker to suffer. Hey I try to be Supermom but sometimes I can't get it all!

Well I had a scary revelation today. For those who don't know me in real life, I live in a small, rural town. Today (on a Sunday no less) at 8:30 a.m. the local Subway had an armed robbery. That's really scary, apparently the 17 year old clerk was not injured just terrified and the suspect got away. The scary revelation is not only this happen about 2 1/2 blocks from my house but I'm not safe in a small town. It freaks me out that my daughter cannot go outside and play the way I did as a child. I have lived in this town my entire life and I no longer feel safe. I would expect this in a larger city but not here and not on a Sunday morning before I got out of bed.

Okay so that was my deep depressing news for the day, now on to happy things! Bella has been potty training for 2 days now and I am happy to report that she has only had 2 accidents wearing big girl panties! Thank God, diaper days are almost gone!

The day of Christmas I am leaving on a week long, kid free vacation!! Ed and I will be driving to North Carolina. We decided to drive mainly because I am freaked out to fly that far on a holiday and I have never seen that part of the country. So my blogging buddies I will be making a photo diary of my trip. I don't know if I will be able to upload as I go but I will be sharing my vacay with you all!

And in the spirit of the holiday, past and future, I am making a challenge to my readers. If you decide to post a comment to this blog please make an "I'm Thankful for.." comment.

I am thankful for my wonderful family, related and not, who are there to support me, challenge me to be the best I can, and love me regardless everyday of the year.

Friday Frantics

2009-11-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

Another day, another dollar right? I just keep telling myself that phrase so I don't go completely crazy with 2 year olds in my house. I must say I am extremely thankful for tile floors and slip covered furniture, since I had ketchup smeared all over from lunch. And is everyone else's kids crapping out of control today? Since 8am I have changed 3 poopie diapers, yuck! Maybe I should change the title to Adventure's in Babysitting; that's a funny movie, maybe because I identify with it.

I must say I am slightly annoyed, for those of you who actually know me know I am a social networking addict. Facebook, Myspace, Cafemom, blogs, and etc. I do it all. I have noticed that people cannot stay on topic while responding to posts. Ignorant people have nothing of substance to contribute to posts so they begin personally attacking the author or other posters. Can we not grow up a little bit and not bash others? I typically do not bash the authors or posters unless something rude is said to me. If I do not have any legitimate opinions on the subject, which doesn't happen often, I keep my fingers off the keyboard. I was also unaware until today that I had to submit my blogs and comments to the WritePoint checker my school has for grammatical, spelling, and other mechinal errors. I am a strong writer when I am graded for it, not when I am bs-ing on the intenet. I mainly just detest ignorance.

At any rate, I should stop blogging and leave the social networking sites alone for about an hour to do some housework and pack my bags since I am going out of town this weekend. Have a wonderful day all and a pleasant weekend!

Thursday's Thoughts

2009-11-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

So today I was reading a post on cafemom.com about 6th grade bullies and it made me think back to my childhood and how people are raising their children. The post was from an after school babysitting who watches a boy and a girl both in 6th grade at the same school. Apparently one day in class the boy hit the girl in the girl, not hard just in a teasing fashion. The girl told the teacher and boy got in trouble for it. Well the kids are going back and forth picking on each other. No injuries have been incurred. Well the girl went to school today with her arm wrapped up in a bandage and told all of the kids that this boy beat the crap out of her. He told the teacher that she was lying and she got in trouble. The babysitter wanted to know if she should call the girl’s mother and talk to her about the situation at school. That, surprisingly enough, isn’t what upset me. The women who responded to this woman stated that she should not watch the boy anymore because he was going to grow up and beat women.

Last I checked kids picked on each other, and while it can get bad and it should be stopped, it’s part of growing up. I don’t think it’s fair to call this little boy a wife beater cause he AND this girl are picking on each other. Now, before I get bashed I know that school bullying is an issue and I know it can be dangerous but I feel as a society we are blowing things way out of proportion. Why do we feel it mandatory to over analyze every action our children take? My kid can be a bully at two and she doesn’t want to share her toys, does that mean she is going to be a serial killer? I think not. We really need to back off and let our kids be kids.

My Wednesday Rantings

2009-11-11T13:13:00.000-08:00

I have just returned from shopping with my mother and I had to take a prozac as soon as I walked into the house...I wonder if my doctor will prescribe me a prozac drip for such occassions? Okay, focusing again. I have set a goal that all I will purchase all of my Christmas gifts before Thanksgiving, and I am happy to report that I am almost done. Next on my list is getting my mother's gift, grrr. So while we were shopping I paid close attention to things she was picking up and I made the mistake of directly asking her what she wanted. She replied with, "Don't spend you're money on me, just get me some cheap concealer at Wal-Mart."

Now being a young single mother who is going into debt paying for college I somewhat appreciate this. At the same time I wanted to slap her. If I show up at Christmas with a $3 thing of concealer I will be blackballed not only by my brother and sister, but by my MOTHER. I actually have the resources to buy nice gifts this year and she tells me concealer, WTH?!

I also just discovered less then a minute ago that there is a den of possums living 20 feet from my house. I am sitting nice and quiet on my porch smoking and writing this to be disturbed by a freaking possum! Really wish that prozac would kick in.......

Some Parents....

2009-11-10T18:20:00.000-08:00

I really have an issue with people who want have children and then not take care of the children properly after they arrive. Now I know we all make mistakes as parents and that's fine, completely understandable. But giving an INFANT a crap load of Tylenol to make the baby sleep when you don't want to deal with a newborn, or taking an infant to an outdoor baseball game while the child has an ear infection is completely ignorant. I really think that people should be made to take a basic childcare and aptitude test before they are allowed to reproduce. Grr...it makes me so angry when so many people who want children and would be good to children and can't have them, then some moron pops kids out like rabbits and does not take care of them. Okay, I'll step off of the soapbox now.

Welcome!

2009-11-10T16:20:00.001-08:00

Hi and Welcome to my blog! Let me start off by introducing myself, my name is Kenzi. I am currently a stay at home mommy to a beautiful 3-year-old daughter, Boo. My Boo is my world, I am so proud of her and she is my inspiration in life. I will soon be working towards a Culinary Arts degree with focus on Baking and Pastry.

I currently live in North Texas and I love it here! I am a simple small town girl born and bred. I would like to thank my dear friend Bobbi for helping me begin blogging; you can blame her later, LOL! There isn’t any particular theme to this blog other then my life; some of it will be funny, a lot will be funny in a sad way. Please join me on this comical adventure while I attempt to figure out motherhood and life!

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2009-11-10T16:07:00.000-08:00

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